Ms CalliePathetic things come in threes, did you know?  If you’re a total loser bitch, no stranger to humiliation at the hands of girls like me– then I bet you can check all three boxes on the Loser Trifecta.

Small Penis

Even your pea-brained self knew that one was coming– if you have a teeny, tiny little thing between your legs, small enough that it doesn’t even dangle…. Then yes, you can check box one.  You could never please a girl with that measly prick– at best, you could only hope to amuse one with it.  So come one, ‘fess up with the actual size of your inadequate dicklet– because I’m not the sort of girl to feel so bad for you that she pretends it’s ‘average’– no, I know I’m going to laugh out loud when I hear just how small it truly is!

Premature Ejaculator

Oh god, as if having a small prick weren’t bad enough, of course you’re a quickie-cummer, too.  I can’t say I’m surprised, though, as I bet you get so excited when any girl even pays the slightest bit of attention to that pathetic thing that you just spurt all over yourself!  Hahaha– it’s true, isn’t it– you can’t last longer than 10 minutes.  Less than that??  Hahah, god, that really is truly pathetic, just the thought of it.

Chronic Masturbator

And last but certainly not least pathetic: you can’t keep your damn hand off your tiny, premature ejaculating penis.  You think about masturbating all day long– you watch porn, stare at girls FAR out of your league, and stroke and stroke and stroke.  Because you’re a total premature ejaculating loser bitch, you’re able to cum in minutes flat and soon start stroking all over again.  Though, is it really considered stroking if it only requires 2 fingers?  That’s more of a mini-rubdown, if you ask me, what with that fun-sized candy bar between your legs.  And with that, final check in the Ultimate Loser Trifecta check list is marked!

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