I’m a big lover of Cracked… I go there every day for my laughs. The other day there was an article about bad sex advice in Cosmopolitan magazine. Great fashion stuff there, but little of worth sexually for a truly experienced woman. So I decided I’d take all the bad advice and twist it for my own special brand of humiliating amusement. You’ll need two things: Alligator Clamps (you can melt some plastic around the tips if you’re a pussy, lol) and your own hand. Now for the fun!!

The first piece of bad advice is biting the balls. To mimic this, place alligator clamps all over your sack. Oh, that’s gotta hurt, lol! Now for the second… shaking the nuts! Take them into your hand and shake them with the clamps on like their a pair of really fuzzy dice. Are you feeling the burn, lol? The third? Yanking the crotch hair. Take your short hairs and tug on them hard… do this for 5 minutes or until you can’t stand it anymore. The fourth? The Sneezegasm… I shit you not, lol. To mimic this move take your prick in your hand and squeeze it as hard as you can for a 5 count. Do this ten times.

But wait, there’s more!! These three techniques are guarnteed to leave your dick aching… milk it like a cow. Yeah, really. Squeeze and pull just like you’re milking it. Oh, is little Bessie gonna give me some milk, lol? I don’t fucking think so! Now imgine you’re in front of your TV playing your XBox and jerk your junk around like you’ve got a joystick in your hand. Move it two and fro and watch those bitten balls bounce. Now for your final painful humiliation. Put both hands on your cock (if it’s big enough, which I doubt, lol) and give it a rugburn. I want it red and sore from twisting your hand all around on it… Now that I’ve had my fun with your humiliating masturbation game, click the link to see if you get any relief at all for your pain.

Humiliation sessions with Empress Lauren 800-601-6975

For an erotic phone sex session, dial 800-601-6975.
Must be 18+
Calls are $2.75 per minute, with a 10 minute minimum
Discreetly billed to your credit card
Rate Your Call

Check out our new social network, Enchantrix Empire.